


A Blue Sapphire

by HailingTorrent



Series: Past And Present [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Female Character, Trans Vex'ahlia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 17:57:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8926723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HailingTorrent/pseuds/HailingTorrent
Summary: “I’m a girl.”Percy quickly registered what Vex had said. It didn’t shake him. He never thought of Vex as anything other than a girl, even after what had happened earlier.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Hey, I just wanted to try my hand at a Critical Role fanfic :) This was inspired by Party Dresses by Classyfangirl. I would seriously recommend reading it.
> 
> Also, I am a trans girl myself, but if any of this comes off as rude or offensive, please tell me. I have atypical autism, which makes it hard for me realize if I'm being rude sometimes. If any of it is offensive, I promise it was not my intention.

Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III was a man of fine tastes, regal manner and utmost courtesy.

How he was eating his breakfast was anything but the above. In his defense, his fellow members of Vox Machina were of similar mind.

The mess-room of Greyskull keep was currently in complete chaos. Sausages on the table were being speared by forks from the hungry adventurers.  Mugs of morning ale sloshed as they were greedily swung to their owner’s mouths. Splotches of dipping sauce were splattered here and there on EVERYWHERE. The table napkins, however, remained in a very neat pile at the corner of the wooden dining surface.

The guards of Greyskull Keep weren’t surprised by their superiors' behaviour. They had just spent a gruelling trek through the Underdark. Facing monstrous abominations. Clashing with a would-be-god. They would be doing the same if this was their first decent meal in months.

“Hey.” Scanlan mumbled this, a mouthful of bacon slurring his speech. With a quick “Gulp!” sound, his voice came more clearly. “Where is our resident Half-Elf treasurer? Surely she would want in on this.”

“Didn’t she leave with Vax and Pike?”  Keyleth supplied. Her red hair had a few splotches of the aforementioned sauce scatter throughout it. The rest of Vox Machina didn’t mention this. Partially because they thought she’d be embarrassed. Partially because they found it funny. Mainly because they found it funny.

“No, I actually don’t think I’ve seen her at all today.” A considering hand coming up to his chin, Percy began thinking back over today’s events.

He was the first up, wanting to check on the firing mechanism of Bad News. And also because there was a bottle of Dwarven Brandy in the cellar, and he did not want to share it.)

 After him, Keyleth was the next to wake up, looking to practice her meditation.

 Then was Grog, who wasted no time in getting to enjoy the ale that Greyskull Keep kept in large supply.

Vax was the next to rise.  Pike had told him that exercising his injured foot would help with the healing process, so he looked to go on a morning jog.

Coincidentally, Pike was the next to awake, attempting to confer with her cracked Seranrae symbol. Percy was worried that Pike was keeping how much this bothered her from the rest of them.

Tiberius arose then, planning to write a missive to his brother in Draconia.

A late starter, Scanlan was the next enter the dining room. He made a quip that he had been up late “Thinking deeply and emotionally about my dear, Pike.” This earned a collective groan from the entirety of Vox Machina.

A half hour into breakfast, Pike and Vax left to make their way to the nearby temple. Pike had organised them to travel there and hopefully have the last healing session of Vax’s foot.

No, Vex hadn’t been here.

Percy cursed himself slightly. He was angry towards himself for not noticing his friend’s absence. He wasn’t sure if his mind was eased by the fact that the others hadn’t noticed either.

“She still in bed?” Taking a chunk out of a nearby sausage, Grog swallowed it in one go. “I’m not judging. The only reason I got up was cos I needed a fuckin’ drink.”

“One of us should wake her.” Tiberius chimed in. Out of all of them, he was the only one who maintained even a small semblance of manners throughout their meal, a small napkin tied into his shirt neck. “We are to meet with King Uriel later. We must be in tip-top position to greet his majesty.”

“I’ll get her.” The silver haired sniper declared, pushing out his chair and standing up. He had been meaning to talk to Vex. Percy had recently created an arrow he thought Vex would appreciate it. Many people had ways of expressing their friendship and love. Some did flowers. Some did poems. Percy made explosive, frost enhanced arrows for his friends. He was just one of those people.

Grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair, Percy quickly threw it over his shoulders.

“Percy?” The voice of Keyleth crawled into his ears.

“Yes?”

“You have a little bit of sauce on your shirt.” Looking down, Percy quickly noted that there was, in fact, a stain adorning his shirt. Swiftly taking a napkin, he dabbed out the worse of it.

“Thank you.” At this moment, a sly smile quickly appeared on Percy’s face.

“Oh, Keyleth?” The false-politeness was practically dripping from the words.

“You have a bit of sauce in your hair.”

He may not have been able to see Keyleth, but he could easily tell the blush emanating from her.

* * *

 

Vex was not having a good day.

The Ranger from Syngorn was currently bent over her desk, studying a broken amulet, its gold chains having been shattered from the blue sapphire at the centre.

With a deft hand, she brought a mending liquid she had acquired from a past visit to Gilmore’s Glorious Goods, a begun pouring it from the thin, beaker container. Slowly, she spread the liquid between the sapphire to its chain link.

With a small sparkle of progress, the chain and the sapphire connected once more.

“Yes!” The small exclamation had escaped Vex’s focused exterior. With excitement dripping off of her, she wrapped her precious stone around her neck.

Rushing to the mirror in the corner of the room, its flower frame being something that Vex picked up from an odd job, she looked to see if the desired effect had occurred.

In an instant, her cheer and excitement was shatter, like a window in a hurricane. A familiar feeling crawled up through the back of her spine. The doubt. The self-loathing. The feeling of her breath being trapped in her lungs.

Staring back at her was her reflection, with a flat chest.

Tears coming into her eyes, Vex leaned on the mirror, trying to stop the flood of emotion.

With the emotions, the words of the children in Syngorn came rushing in alongside them.  The words that stung more than their blows.

_Freak_

_Disappointment._

_Boy._

Now, she couldn’t hold the emotions back. Streams of sadness flew down her cheeks, causing the makeup she spent entire mornings putting on to smudge and run.

 _“Why? Why? Why? Why?”_ These words were interspaced with her pounding her fist softly on the wall behind the mirror.

Vex hadn’t noticed it at first. In Yug’Voril, when they were battling K’varn. One of the Beholder’s stray rays had fired off wildly towards Vex. It came into contact with her, singing her clothes, but leaving her unscathed.

Or so she thought.

It was only when they had teleported out of that subterranean hell that she had realized what the true damage was. Her amulet, the one that made her body bearable, had been broken.

Luckily, the rest of her compatriots hadn’t noticed the change. They were tired and weary from their battle, too expended to discover. As soon as she could, she took Vax away from the rest of them, filling him in on what happened.

Vax quickly became the overprotective  big brother. Offering to run to Gilmore’s to buy another one, even though they didn’t have close to the amount of money needed on them at the time. Vex declined, not telling Vax how much pain she was in. She didn’t want her brother to have more to worry about. All she asked was for Vax to cover for her when she went to bed early.

She kept assuring herself that night. “It’ll be easy to fix.” “Little bit of work, and it’ll be back to normal tomorrow.” “Everything will be fine.”

The truth of the matter was finally beginning to hit her.

It wouldn’t be a huge problem to get another one. She had seen them in Gilmore’s store during one of her previous visits. It was a simple shape-changing amulet, a widely made one. However, they were far from cheap. Vex would have to take a noticeable amount of money from the treasury, which would cause the rest of the group to ask questions.

Vex  never wanted them to know. Back in Syngorn, no one accepted her as the woman she was. Her father saw her as a blot on the family name. The other children treated her as an outcast. Vax was the only one who ever supported her. He was the one that would sneak her back the dresses their father had taken from her. He was the one who would personally fight any of the kids who called her names. Everyone had something they fell back on in times of need. Vax was Vex’s.

Right now, her plan was to await Vax’s return. She didn’t know what she planned to do, but she knew she wanted to talk to Vax.

_Knock! Knock!_

“Vex’ahlia? Are you in there?”

Percy. Vex would recognize the voice from anywhere. And right now, it terrified her.

 _“I can’t let him see me!”_ Jumping back to her feet, Vex wordlessly made her way to her bed, planning to grab a shirt to cover her flat chest. As she quickly walked over, she tripped over a chisel she had used and thrown away during her earlier attempts to fix the amulet. With a  loud “Thump!” sound, she came crashing to the ground.

That didn’t hurt nearly as much as what came next.

A small rattling sound greeted her ears, and the door swung open. Within its frame, the anxious face of her friend greeted her.

“Vex! Are you Oka-“ Percy stopped midsentence, seeing Vex sprawled out on the ground.

“Get out!”  Vex knew it was too late. He had seen her chest, bare for all the world to see. Now she felt deep, hostile anger.

“Vex, a-are you Okay?” While he regained his composure, Vex could sense the slight hesitation from Percy. The stutter of someone who didn’t understand.

Jumping to her feet with a furious grace, Vex pulled the shirt from her bed. She didn’t put it on, only holding in front of her naked chest.

“I said, GET OUT!” The worry that the rest of Vox Machina would hear her was a distant thought in the back of Vex’s mind.

Although it seemed that Percy was about to reply, he instead choose to nod nervously, closing the door as he left.

Now alone, Vex fell backwards onto her bed, the familiar tears returning to her face as she felt as if her world was crumbling.

* * *

 

His fingers weaving through the gears of the Pepperbox was all that occupied Percy’s mind. Anything to occupy himself. The intricate workings of his pistol. The barrel that allowed him to fire off blasts of lead at those who threatened him and his friends.

Friends. That was a subject that was on his mind right now.

One friend in particular.

Suddenly, the anger towards himself reached the forefront of Percy’s mind. He had walked in on his friend during a vulnerable moment. He shouldn’t have barged in like that. He should have just left when she didn’t reply. He shouldn’t have gone in. He shouldn’t have gone in.

Forgetting about the current task he was working on, Percy let out a long, pained groan and laid his head on the surface of his workdesk.

Percy didn’t quite understand what he saw. What he did understand was the pain in Vex’s eyes when he walked in. The sheer betrayal that cursed Percy for seeing her like that.

And Percy hated himself for making Vex feel that way. Percy knew what it was like to have your defences torn from you. To feel and weak and lame for the whole world to see. It was a feeling he never wanted to see in anyone else. Even less to be the cause of it.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

“Who is it?” The rudeness that came off from Percy’s tone barely registered to him. He had other things on his mind than being polite.

“Percy. It’s me.”

This voice immediately brought the heir of Whitestone to his feet.  In an instant he was at the door, twisting the knob to open it.

In a turn of events to earlier, it was now Vex surprising Percy in the doorframe.

Vex wasn’t dressed in her usual garb. While she would generally don a frill  silk shirt in her downtime,  she know had a huge fur coat covering her body. Her chest in particular. Percy spent a second looking at this, before stooping after receiving a piercing look from Vex.

“May I come in?” There was a definite edge to Vex’s words, but Percy knew that it wasn’t anger. More an edge of wariness and careful caution.

“Oh, yes! Of course.” Stepping out of the door, Percy swung one his arms in a wide welcoming gesture.

Grunting a thank you, Vex made her way in. Percy noticed how her body seemed less curvier, even under the coat. He knew far better than to comment on it.

Looking around the room, Vex made an “Ah!” sound, and ventured over to Percy’s desk. Pulling out the chair, she sat on it back-to-front. Percy thought this may have been a defence mechanism.

Percy himself mirrored  Vex’s form, finding a spare tool in his workshop and moving it to be directly opposite of Vex before sitting down.

A few moments of comfortable silence passed between the two of them. Or at least, Percy hoped it was comfortable. He had no idea what was going to happen between him and Vex right now.

“Would you like some tea? Or coffe-“

“I’m a girl.”

Cut off, Percy quickly registered what Vex had said. It didn’t shake him. He never thought of Vex as anything other than a girl, even after what had happened earlier.

“I know that, Vex.” Reaching out, Percy went to put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder.

As if on instinct, Vex flinched at the touch. Percy took this as a sign to take his hand back.

“You know how me and Vax are known as ‘The Twins?’ “This questions earned a quick affirmative noise from Percy.

“Well, when we were growing up, we had a different name.” Bringing the palm of her hand to her face, Vex covered her eyes. As if she was trying to shield herself from what she said next.

“ ‘The Twin Elf-Boys.” Percy had seen Vex get stabbed, shot and blasted with all forms of magic. But none of those ever caused her as much agony as saying those words.

“When I was a child, my mother kept telling me how much I took after her. How my face was soft like hers. That my eyes had the same glint. She even said she was around the same height when she was my age.”

Percy didn’t talk, not wanting to interrupt his friend.

“And it made me so happy. Knowing we had this similarity. But then, she would always end it with something that killed me a little inside.”

Vex looked at Percy, a stony expression covering her face. Percy could swear he saw cracks in the visage of emotionless.

“ _You’re a beautiful boy, Vallan.”_

Even without looking at Vex, Percy could sense the pain from those words. The agony that blazed from them like an inferno.

“It took me years to realize why those words hurt me. Why being called a boy, a man, would make me want to scream. I would always compare myself to Vax and think ‘He doesn’t have a problem with being called it, so why should I?’ “

“I was eight when I first asked Vax to call me a girl. I didn’t try to disguise it as a game, or some childish thing. I simply came up to him, and asked him to call me a girl.”

A light chuckle escaped Vex’s mouth. It was a beautiful sound. Percy enjoyed it.

“And when he called me that, it felt so enlightening. Suddenly, everything made sense. The pain. the hurt. I understood it now.”

Looking at Percy with soft eyes, Vex ended her thought.

“I hated being called a boy, because I wasn’t one.”

Now, the silence returned. This time, Percy was sure it was a comfortable one. It was the silence of understanding. Something they lacked earlier.

“I understand this is probably all new to you. If you have any questions, feel free to fire away.” Vex’ahlia laughed lightly at her own play of words.

Scrambling, now realizing it was his turn to talk, Percy began trying to search for what to say.

_“Oh, sure. When I’m at the breakfast table, words come through me like a river. Now that something important is happening, I’m as silent as a goddamn statue.”_

“Does anyone else know?” Percy wanted to make sure he didn’t accidentily out his friend.

“Vax, obviously. And now you.” Taking a more relaxed position, Vex rested her head on the top of the chair’s back. “I’d very much appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone.” Percy could tell that this was a demand rather than a request.

“You have my word. I will not breathe a word of this to anyone.” For added emphasizes, Percy placed a hand over his heart to finalize the declaration.

Nodding, Vex began playing with a piece of stray thread that had found itself on the chair.

“About earlier……” Percy started, rubbing the back of his head in trepidation.

“I’m sorry.”

Percy was surprised that him and Vex both said the exact same thing.

“I-I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Percy. You didn’t know about my….situation.” Vex didn’t look up as she said this, continuing to toy with her errant piece of fabric.

“Vex’ahlia, you have nothing to apologize  for. I shouldn’t have barge in there like Grog in a tavern.”

What started off as a small chortle soon erupted into a full blown laughter between the two of them. The light barb at their friend helped ease the tension.

“Percy,” Now stopping with her thread, Vex looked up at Percy with her brown eyes being partially shadowed by the low light. “There was something I was meaning to ask you.” Rummaging through the inside of her coat, Vex fished out two things. One was a chain link, with its left end shattered. The other was a sparkling blue sapphire, which was connected to the right end of the chain link.

“This is a Spell-Holding amulet. A…… parting gift from when me and Vax left Syngorn.”  The pause on ‘parting gift’ told Percy that whoever originally owned the amulet did not part with it willingly.

“It helps me be more comfortable with my body. To make me appear more like myself.” While saying this, Vex pulled the ends of her coat over herself even tighter. Percy wanted to let her know it was okay, and he wouldn’t think any less of her. But he knew that that this wasn’t about what Percy thought. It was what Vex thought about herself.

“It was shattered during the fight with K’Varn, and its magic properties haven’t returned since.” Taking both pieces in her hand, Vex reached over to hand them to Percy. The resident Human of Vox Machina quickly accepted it.

“The sapphire-the part that holds the spell- doesn’t seem to be damage. I think it’s just a matter of relinking it.” Kicking herself outward from the chair, Vex rose to her feet. “Would you mind looking at it? See if there’s anyway to fix it. It would cost a great deal to replace.”

Percy had been momentarily distracted by the object. The gem for the amulet was remarkable. Even by just holding it, Percy could tell it was far more durable than any common sapphire. Most likely how survived unscathed in all their battles.

Hearing that he had been asked a question, Percy quickly responded.

“I will see what I can do.” A warm smile emanated from Percy. He had felt guilty about making Vex feel insecure, and now he had a chance to make up for it.

Vex returned the smile. It was a nice change to Percy. Opposed to the discomfort that Vex had been showing during their talk, it was relieving to see her back at her old, cheerful self.

“Thank you.” She leaned down, so she would be at eye level with her friend.

“Truly, Percy. I am in your debt.”

With a quick bashful sound, Percy waved a hand in dismissiveness.

“Vex, think nothing of it. I am simply helping a friend.”

For a brief instant, Vex’ahlia’s face was surprised. An instant later, it turned to gratitude, her grin reaching ear to ear.

Once again standing, Vex headed to the door, quickly tugging it open. With a small wave, she was gone.

Now, Percy dragged his stool back over to his work desk. Seeing that the Pepperbox was still in mid-evaluation from earlier, he carefully placed it on a small counter top next to the desk.

Putting on his glasses, Percy brought the sapphire to his eyes for inspection.

Percy had a friend to help. And nothing would stop him.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
